July 7, 1944 - Friday
Gosh but I'll be glad of the day when I'll be able to call you "mum" and know I have a right to. About Jean mum, I know you've never influenced her one or another, when it comes to boys, you've let her make her own decisions but please help her this time mum, help her not to make a mistake which she may regret. As far as I'm concerned I love and want Jean as my wife more than anything in the world, but I want her to make sure beyond a doubt wether she really does love me or not. The reason I ask this mum, is that Jean never really did care for me, and Rusty has been her first real heart throb, so I can't possibly understand how she can care enough for me to marry me. Even though she has written and told me mum, I'm not going to hold her to anything she's said. If when she sees me she feels she's made a mistake and doesn't want to marry me she can go right ahead and change her mind. Cos what I want more than anything else is her happiness - so help her out mother, tell her she's got to be very sure she does love me, cos getting married is something for people who are very much in love with each other and not otherwise. As far as I'm concerned nothing could be more certain about the way I feel for her - it's a good fortune I never dreamed of in my wildest dreams. Mum I don't know how you feel about it, but if I have yours and Pat's permission and everything is o.k. I should like more than anything else to see Jean married in white, she's too lovely a girl to miss out on a white wedding. Should the cloth be hard to get at home, I've got over 10 yards of this White Pan velvet which will make a lovely white dress. Also I'm borrowing a beautiful white veil that cost over 40 dollars in Peacetime from a Scotch girl I know over here who's been married over three years. She said she would lend it to me to take back home for the wedding. So I'll borrow it anyways, cos it's very beautiful and it wont matter wether we use it or not, I'll have it just in case we want it. Mum I've been thinking, wont Jean look beautiful in white, gosh I'll bet she looks an angel. I can hardly sleep nights thinking of the amount of happiness that may lie ahead of me - oh mum I do hope all this doesn't fall through. I'm scared stiff that it will. I'm expecting to hear something anyday now about going home. I should be going this month for sure. I'm going to be a nervous wreck by the time I reach Toronto.
I hope you had a very good time in New York Mum, and if I know you I'll bet you did. Jean was telling me that Pat went over the border too, well I hope you all had a bang on time.
I'll bet 45 Pears Avenue must be quite lovely now after Pat finished fussing around fixing and making the place look better.
You know I'm still expecting to wake up any moment and find myself dreaming all this. Even though I have her letters, I just can't believe she loves me, how on earth does it seem possible - when I think of the scraps we had, and how miserable I've felt at times, it just doesn't make sense. By the way mum for your information I transferred to the Church of England when I was going with Eve - it's more or less very much the same as the Church of Scotland, so our religions should be the same - to me it doesn't matter a bit, but to a girl it may mean a lot more. I guess everything now depends on Jean and of course the most important thing is your's and Pat's permission to allow me the greatest honour of my life and that is of marrying Jean. Mum if there's any good reason why we shouldn't get married I know your reason will be sound enough. Well I suppose I'd better close now so please give my love to Pat and the girls and tell that Casanova that I still love her very much.
Cheerio for now mum
All my love